What is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce mediation is a process in which divorcing spouses try to negotiate an acceptable divorce agreement with the help of a neutral third party: the mediator. The mediator helps the spouses to communicate and negotiate but doesn’t make any decisions for them.
Both divorce mediation and arbitration involve a neutral third party who is not a judge. In divorce mediation, the neutral party has no power to make decisions. In arbitration, the neutral third party — the arbitrator — listens to the facts and then decides the case, just as a judge would. Although the parties can present evidence and make arguments, they have no say in the final decision.
Is Divorce Mediation a better choice?
Using mediation to negotiate a divorce agreement is almost always going to take less time, cost less, and result in a more solid agreement typicall than using a divorce lawyer to take the same case through the divorce courts. When you are going to have an ongoing relationship with your ex-spouse, such as when you have kids together, mediation can help to improve communication and make your future interactions a little bit easier.
For some couples, however, negotiating directly with each other, even with the help of a divorce mediator, is not possible — either because of problems in the relationship (such as domestic violence or substance abuse) or because a spouse is unwilling to mediate. Even if you decide to mediate your divorce, you may want to hire a divorce lawyer in a limited capacity to consult with you outside of the divorce mediation. Many mediating spouses find it helpful to work with a consulting divorce lawyer who can offer legal advice and review the divorce settlement agreement before it is signed.
Where do I find a Divorce Mediator?
A reasonable location to search for divorce mediators is ACR or Association of Conflict Resolution. This association is inclusive of AFM (Academy of Family Mediators). A divorce mediator must fulfill the following conditions to become a Practitioner member of AFM –
- Completion of minimum 100 hours of face-to-face family divorce mediation in minimum 10 varied cases
- Completion of 2 hours of domestic violence awareness training
- Completion of 20 hours of continuing training every 2 years
- Completion of minimum 60 hours of family mediation training, inclusive of either a 30 hour or a 40 hour family mediation course
Now, it can be seen why ACR is the right place to begin the search for divorce mediators. Another method is to request someone to recommend a divorce mediator. Human nature can play a very important role here. One will notice that a lawyer recommends another lawyer, an experienced divorce lawyer recommends another experienced divorce lawyer, a marriage counselor recommends another marriage counselor and so on.Another way to search for divorce mediators is in the Yellow Pages under the heading of Mediation or Divorce Counseling, or online.
Questions to ask Divorce Mediators
The divorcing couple must ask the prospective divorce mediator several questions in order to get a feel of the approach of the divorce mediator towards their issues.
- Suppose we fail to reach an agreement in the divorce mediation, what is the next step?
- What is the approximate duration required for our divorce mediation?
- Will you mediate all the disputed issues in our case or do you advise that we approach somebody else regarding some issues?
- What is your style of divorce mediation?
- In the past, have you mediated cases identical or at least in some ways similar to ours?
- Is a retainer compulsory?
- How much money do you charge?
- Other than your time, are there other charges that we should be aware of?
Types of divorce mediators
- Lawyer: When a lawyer plays the role of a divorce mediator, usually the caucus-style of divorce mediation is employed. The divorce mediator asks the husband and his divorce lawyer to wait in one room while the wife and her divorce lawyer in another room. Then, the divorce mediator shuttles between these rooms. When there is a past of domestic violence, this method is the best.
- Christian fundamentalists: The ever present intention of Christian fundamentalists is to save the marriage. So, when they become mediators, they look at mediation sessions as a step towards saving the marriage. Finally, they unwillingly supervise negotiations regarding how the divorce would take place. The divorcing couple must ask the mediator whether the approach is to save the marriage or assist in getting divorced.
- Therapists: When therapists work as divorce mediators, they tend to be result-oriented, compassionate and sensitive. Some of the best mediators were therapists in the past. However, some of them have one drawback. During the mediation session, they engage in long discussions with the participants regarding the participant’s feelings and how the participant reached this stage.
- Accountants: There are very few examples of people who were accountants in the past and then became mediators. Such accountants focus on their forte – tax and financial issues. As a majority of couples who decide to divorce mainly argue about their money, such a switch of profession cannot be considered inappropriate.
Is Divorce Mediation right for me
Divorce Mediation can help speed up the divorce process, and ease many issues that can arise during a divorce case. However divorce mediation is not for all divorce cases. Consider your situation, and the following ideas. If both of you approach the process with an open mind and respect for the other person and the process, you will most likely benefit from divorce mediation. However, in situations where there has been abuse or one of the participants feels intimidated by the other this may not be the proper venue for you. Open communication is vital in crafting a divorce mediation agreement. Both parties must be able to freely express their opinions. By working together, you may be able to save a lot of time and money as compared to a traditional litigated divorce. An added benefit is that you both control the outcome. Instead of becoming part of the adversarial system, you become part of a healing system.
Will I still need a divorce Lawyer?
You will be strongly advised to seek expert legal advice from a Good Divorce Lawyer. A divorce mediator may give you legal information, but not legal advice, so you will need a good divorce lawyer to fully understand the legal ramifications of the decisions you are making and discuss any questions or concerns regarding the divorce mediation agreement. It is ultimately up to you whether or not you wish to seek legal advice. You would be best advised to have a good divorce lawyer review the proposed agreement before it is signed and finalized.
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